Internet Friendships: Why They (Don't) Work Either (Part 2)

You know how you say, 'If you say it will go wrong, it will'?

... Yeah. It went about as well as you'd think.

I was attacked. I was lashed out. I was demoralized. I was insulted, made fun of, and my so-called "friends" that I looked up to and adored in my own right ripped those feelings to shreds. Jerry sent me private messages, declaring how "ashamed" he was of me and how I had to earn everything bad. That I had no right to speak up. That I was selfish. That I was a cruel and horrible person.

I was "emo."

I was the bitch.

This was my idol that said these things.

It also didn't help that the rants, that I said to keep the temper and the poison my anger could bring out of there... The trust I placed in some of my "friends" were broken and spread like wildfire. I felt destroyed.

I went to bed in tears and even busted a blood vessel in my eye from the stress... but the amount of fucks these people gave? Zero. Absolutely none. It all carried the weight of a single person. His word. The "victim."

Tom.

Now, mind you, it wasn't the entire group. There were two or three people who took a more level headed stance on the entire situation. They were really awesome and understood how I felt and I was trying to say. They were really wonderful and I can't thank them enough for what they did. Instead, they went and attacked them for "daring to stand up with me" and turned that poisonous hatred from me to them.

I was on the verge of quitting. I wanted to quit... yet part of me hoped that maybe, just maybe, those long friendships would... mean something. It'd go somewhere.

I was foolish. Even when we gathered in a meeting and almost talked things out... Even when I admitted some things I did wrong(and, dear god, I've apologized on their forums like three times now and it wasn't even enough for these people or Tom), it all fell apart when Tom declared he was going to leave the game because he couldn't handle accusations hanging over his head. He couldn't handle it with an emotional disease he fights with. He signed off and then panic ensued.

Jerry, in turn, reverted back to his hateful demeanor. Whatever friendship that ever existed all those years... They were gone. Just like that. It means absolutely nothing. He wasn't sorry. He didn't care. When I woke up that morning, I learnt he decided to throw me and someone else out of the group.

That was... it. Just like that. He didn't give two shits about whatever we did. It was all about Tom. Someone he met... our friendship meant nothing. That man crush was more important then a friendship where I would've defended Jerry or the others. Even when people insulted him or called him things, I stood up for Jerry. I said, "He isn't like that. He's a good man. They all are. Those rumors aren't true."

... It meant nothing.

In some ways, that hate still hurts. It has left me bitter and resentful. It took that game and destroyed it. I find it hard to play it long periods of time. Hell, I don't know if I can trust any of the group members anymore OR their friends. I've grown distant... except maybe two or three of them. Even then, whatever rants I have, I tend to mostly keep them to myself.

It sucks.

So I know your wondering by now.

"So how does that mean internet relationships don't work? How does it relate to your previous articles?"

Because it is the same damn thing. Masks. The internet gives you a mask, a persona... an identity. If you are heavily insecure in your life, you can shed it away and feel empowered. You can do things and meet people you never thought you ever would in your entire life. You could be the popular person you always wanted to be where, before, no one gave a shit about you and people made fun of you. You have the power to be something and that mask can either make you into something better or into something worse.


But here's something you people need to realize.

Yeah, You can hurt people without ever seeing the consequences of your actions. You could do anything. If someone crossed you or doesn't like you? You, with that ugly internet mask, can perform great revenge or carry grudges or do so many things without ever seeing the results. If that friend didn't stick up for you? Burn them. Write the most hateful shit and snicker at what you get back. Let the trolling begin. Let all that hate and filth spill forward. They crossed you, so what's the big deal?

Hell, you may get angry and your best friend got hurt or you may disagree with the way things are. You may lash out. I know it is so easy and so tempting to write those things out even to your best of friends.

But no matter how much you justify it, no matter what that person has done or whatever excuse you can come up with... that person behind the screen has feelings too. Maybe you might not value their feelings or friendships you find on the internet. Maybe you don't even view that person with the screen name as a person. Well, guess what? They ARE people and they have feelings. They can get angry and, when hurt, they can cry. They can shed tears and they can feel pain. That pain is justified as much as anyone else if they suffered something between best friends in real life.

Maybe friendships might not mean anything to you since its the internet... but it might mean something to somebody else. Maybe the little things they do are silly to you but are gold to somebody else.

Don't be an asshole.

Take off that mask.

Internet friends won't last forever. The same as friends you find and cross in jobs, etc... but true friends stay with you for life. They do exist. You might not find them via internet... but you'll find them, somewhere. Out there.

I know I didn't... but it did show me who my real friends were that day so maybe it wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be. They are the ones I say Hi to when I see them in the game or on facebook. Hopefully they will stay for years to come.

That's all I really have to say about that.

Lesson learned.

-The Girl With a Lot to Say

Internet Friendships: Why They (Don't) Work Either... Sometimes!(Part 1)

The internet is a funny place.

It can bring out the best in people or it can bring out the worst in them. You can make millions from a simple idea or you could find yourself being trolled half to death by cruel people. It isn't the best place in the world but some of us make do. Some of us don't get out very often so our social lives happen to be through the games we play or the social media we use. It kind of sucks but that is the way the cookie crumbles.

But, much like internet relationships, friendships.... Well...

They suck. Hardcore. Very rare do you even find the true friend on there and when you do, its best to hold onto them tightly and NEVER let go.

Sounds familiar, doesn't it?

I know.

I went into ranting(two posts even!) about internet relationships and why romantic stuff doesn't work unless you are extremely committed to it and both sides can work it out. Even then, it might not because the people might fall in love with your internet persona then the person you really are.

The same can be applied to your friendships.

Once again... I speak from experience. AGAIN.

Why this reflects to Internet Relationships...? Before getting on to the main point, it is time for a story. Well, okay, I suppose I'll admit a few things too.

I am a Role Player. No, not the kind who sits naked with a box of tissues and has erotic orgies all night. I am the kind who will make a character ans give their creation a story. Personality. Flaws. Likes. Dislikes. I'll even pretend to be them for the sake of entertainment. This is a hobby that has extended out into my online gaming habits. This has also led me to make many "friends."

One of them was, for the sake of this article, we'll simply call Jerry. Since I was the wonderful fresh age of nineteen and out of high school, I met Jerry and his brother playing together with the coolest creation ever. They took advantage of the MMO's engine to make pretty awesome characters and I looked up to them like they were heroes! Well, one of them, anyway... They were my idols. They were awesome incarnate that could punch stars and call it a day!

I became great friends with Jerry. We reconnected on Facebook and remained friends for many years! It was one of those friendships I really treasured. One of those friendships I thought would out last the game itself and imagined how cool if Jerry and his wife came to visit and share all kind of stories... that is... until I came BACK into the game.

Remember how I mentioned about internet relationships that you never really truly know a person on the internet?

Well....

... in some cases, it can be applied to this case too.

I was invited back into the game and into this super awesome group that would be a group of friends that'd have awesome epic role playing adventures. I was very psyched about this. Being with this icon, and OTHER icons and friends of mine that I looked up to, in this group? I've always wanted something like this! This was a great "dream" come true! I was so into it!

So much, there was even a commissioned picture of it. I still carry the picture on my wall. Since its so awesome, it became the logo for the whole article. Why? Because it is that awesome. Thats why.


Its something I've always wanted. It felt like a testament to what I've always dreamt of in an internet friendship.

... It wasn't meant to be.

Paradise began to show its cracks and I wasn't the only one who saw it. One particular man, Tom, was the best friend to Jerry. I've never heard of Tom before but it didn't take long to see the extremely ugly side of this group when Tom was around. The once-was happy and equal group became a negative pile of negative puke who really made fun of others or complained to the point of whining about the game changes or just show how "elite" they were in their PvP(Player verses Player) combat.

While Jerry was my idol, Tom was definitely Jerry's. Tom was put on a pedestal I never saw anyone put on before... An even higher pedestal then I ever put Jerry on. When Tom was around, the stories centered about Tom and not many others really got much of a shot. It was Tom's world and Jerry was more then happy to be a part of it. Tom came to represent everything that I ever hated on the internet.

It also didn't help it made me feel... worthless to the group. Worthless. Pathetic. I felt I didn't amount to much. I was invited into their world and I had no... "place" in their world. No worth. Anything I said or did was always wrong and how Tom was always right. How Tom had a career in Las Vegas. How Tom carried sadistic grudges to people he hated. How Tom never forgave people.

How Tom was the best thing since slice bread.

Boy did I grow to hate as well as very intimidate and afraid of Tom.

I hated how Tom seemed to somehow turn the best of the group into its worst. I hated how when Tom came around, the group changed and it wasn't the group but it was Tom, Jerry, and another fella. It was a clique. It was petty, and I have no idea how many times I've ranted to several friends to avoid exploding on Tom needlessly... as well as afraid if I did lose my temper on this man, I'd face this supposed wrath he seemed to have.

He had that much "power" in the group. I loved the group. I wanted to be a part of it... even if I felt three people got the main course and the rest picked up scraps.

But, you know what? I also hate cliques. Always had and always will. I will be the first one to slap at people for doing it(especially if cliques HURT other people) and bring it to light. Maybe I won't always say it right but it gets its word across and things change. Friends would want to know about that and friends would fix that. Real friends would want to know about those feelings. Real friends would want to fix it so everyone would be happy and having fun together.

So! I felt it was a poison in the group and after one particular last straw, it was time to speak up and fix it. I mean, Jerry came through when the negativity poisoned the group before and maybe they'll understand. Maybe things will come through. Jerry and the others were my best friends. Speaking out should be alright around friends, right? I mean... We were a group of friends. Benefit of the doubt and all. Maybe speaking up will result in things being fixed.

What could possibly go wrong?

Happy New Year! Resolution: Forgiveness

You know, its funny about mistakes and learning to forgive your mistakes... as well as learning to forgive yourself.

I was raised by my mother after my father passed away when I was over five years old. My father, while he was around, had that aura of giving people a chance. Give the benefit of doubt and at least try to be friendly. He had this aura of bringing people together and happiness even when things were tough. He was a good man.

My mother had to struggle, claw and fight her way to earn her keep. She was ready to tear down a few men and woman if they crossed her the wrong way and was ready to fight if she truly believed in something. I was a meek little girl, afraid to fight and afraid to cause trouble since the fighting always scared me.  I mean, I witnessed my sister's marriage go down the tube and get in the middle of a sibling squabble between her two daughters. It wasn't pretty.

Seriously. I remember it as clear as day. I was teased, mocked and had a special education teacher that, I swore, was the devil's wife in disguise. I was depressed and I always came home unsure as to what to do. What did my mother say?

Well, she looked me right in the eye and said, "Sweetie? If they say anything to you, knock them upside the head with your FIST."

I'd argue how wrong that was and I'd get in serious trouble. Mom's reasoning?

"Yeah, you will. But it'll teach those kids to leave you alone!"

Funny enough, thats exactly what happened. I was starting to recover from everything and these bratty twins decided to continue their games. I don't even remember what it was they said or what for. I snapped. The good in me held me back but it was enough that I grabbed one of them by the collar and threw them to the ground after giving a bit of a 'Leave me the hell alone' type of speech.

A teacher witnessed what happened but it didn't go as I expected. I didn't get suspended. They got detention and no recess for the last two days of school and I was let off the hook... Guess the teacher knew what happened. Mind you, school was very different from the way things are now.

Story aside, there's just something about defending what you believe in and forgiving the people that wronged you... or even forgiving yourself if it turns out what you were fighting for was false. It doesn't matter if it happens to you in real lie or if it happens on the internet.

You WILL find the false friends. You'll find the ones that will manipulate you even when you give them the benefit of the doubt. They will use your friendship and give you things and ideas you think are your own. It'll suck when you realize it but then when you do, you find it'll be very easy to correct that mistake.

I'll be the first one to admit that I don't trust very easily. I never did. Even back in school, I had people who were cruel and I built up a wall... even to the people who were my real friends. I couldn't tell between the a lie or the truth. I couldn't tell who was a real friend or who was faking it. I just couldn't tell. I was pretty naive.

It took ages for that wall to come down enough to start trusting people.

And, of course, I trusted the wrong people. Someone stole my money once and never gave it back. I've met far too many on the internet who posed to be friends only to leave you if your popularity changes. Some may even try to buy your friendship.

I've met pretty much all of those. In real life AND on the internet.

Sometimes, I just want to refortify the wall. After discovering the latest ex was as much scum as the rest and most of the friends I thought I had weren't really friends to begin with, I wanted to yell 'Fuck. EVERYONE.' and let it go at that. I really wanted to just earn forgiveness from the people I blew off because I thought they were the false friends and it turned out, hey, they weren't.

Then... it kind of hits you. Or, at least, it hit me.

Some people can't forgive. It isn't important to earn it when you haven't forgiven the most important person: Yourself. You can't do shit if you haven't forgiven yourself for your mistakes.

And even when you understand what you did wrong, you shouldn't have to explain it to everyone else. You just need to sit there and go, 'Yeah. I made a mistake. Some things I can fix and some I can't but its time to forgive myself, and move on.'

More importantly? Its better to forgive the people who hurt you and let it go. Well, I'm nowhere near in forgiving my ex and his new 'girlfriend' and that might take a long time before I can ever go near that. There's also my sister who has done horrific things to me AND my family that I could never forgive her for what she did. I can still find forgiveness in everyone else who hurt me or tried to hurt me and just... let go.

Forgive, and Live.

Even forgive the people who haven't had the power to forgive ME yet.

I'm not a hateful person. I can't hate unless someone's done something so terrible that it warrants that hatred. I just have to forgive once I can find it to do so. That, and try to learn from it and continue forward. Its better and you feel a lot more free in doing so.

The reason its so important and I urge it even now is, sometimes, you might not get that chance to forgive someone.

When my sister was married to my brother in law, Adam, he abandoned me at an anime convention to smoke speed balls with his buddies. In New York City. I was a minor and a teenager who knew nothing about the city. I also didn't have a cell phone at the time. Thanks to generous anime fans and the hotel, I got in contact with family and they brought me home.

I HATED Adam with every fiber of my being for doing that to me. I hated him so much. I trusted him as family! How could he do that to me!?

It took a long time, even as we took my sister's son in and began raising him as our own, to forgive him. It took a few years. I decided,  the day that he would visit Aaron for the first time at our house, that I could forgive him. I felt it was better that way. I couldn't carry that grudge. I was ready to forgive him.

... the day I decided to do that? It was the same day he died from a drug overdose.

I never got to really tell him that.

You'll regret it if you never get that chance.

So, this is the low down. You'll make mistakes and you'll make the wrong friends. Its alright to forgive yourself about it and move on. If you angered others and try to get them to forgive you(and it isn't working), then stop trying. They will when they are ready. Until they do, focus on yourself. Learn what you did wrong.

And furthermore? Grow a back bone and fight back if people push ya around, too.

That is my new year's resolution. Forgive myself, cut the strings of regrets and move on. Live for the future and stop worrying about what other people think. It'll grow a few less gray hairs!

Have a Happy and Safe New Year!


-Girl With a Lot to Say

Loss of a Good Friend

Normally I'm into writing about politics or something that is on my mind.

Today, this is a personal one.

My family and I adopted an elderly dog named Jasmine. She was cutest pug ever and made all of us smile. Even when she had seizures soon after, we stuck by her and made sure she got the care she needed. She'd bark angrily if my door was closed and she wanted to come inside and definitely had plenty to say when we ate our food and she wanted a piece too.

My little ten year old nephew loved her so much, checking on her every time and giving her little treats. When we came home, she greeted us with a tail wagging so hard that her little butt shook. She'd sleep with me at night and wake me up with kisses, letting me know she had to go out.

It came pretty suddenly. She was just... off. We called the vet and got an emergency. We got her there as fast as she could. The moment I held her, though, she felt safe and rested her head up against me... and just like that. She was gone. Right in my arms.

In a way, this brings me comfort that she was able to go quickly and peacefully in my arms, feeling safe. It isn't easy though. The entire family is taking it very hard. She gave us nearly three years of joy.

So hopefully she's getting the best treats and barking at the angels in heaven. I'll miss her but I'm glad to know I'll see her again when its my time to go.

I love you, Jasmine. You were a great pet and, more importantly, a good friend. I'll miss you.

Occupy Wall Street

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I hope everyone is happy and full of Turkey(or not if your a vegan) and was able to spend the holiday with family, friends, and the ones you love. Not only that but I truly hope your holiday was a quiet one without drama.

Anyway, this is about a growing trend in the United States. You know how the economy is. Everything isn't going so well, with people losing their jobs and being forced to file for bankruptcy. The government continues to argue over who has the bigger vision to save America. Prices on food and gas are also going up. It isn't a good time.

A few people got very tired of paying so much in taxes while the rich pay.. less taxes. I don't know the statistics precisely on how much the rich pay from the lower class but, needless to say, they are fed up with the way things are. So here we are. with people camped in parks or other spots all over the country with the most in New York City.

Signs are hoisted up, saying, 'We are the 99%!' and other phrases. I've heard different stories of what they stood for; one from someone who had personally went to one of the protests and the other who, unfortunately, heard the nut jobs at the rally and grown very worried over the protests. They have to be doing something right considering there are people putting money in to combat against Occupy Wall Street and any sympathizer to their cause.

I'll admit, I find myself agreeing to their cause. I mean, come on. How many times have bills tried going through the Senate or Congress in increasing taxes on the rich and it never gets through? There is always an outcry against it and, thus, its shut down very fast. You can almost say that they are afraid to sacrifice luxuries for anything better.

That's just me though.

It has a good point and it does stand for something. It could potentially rise up and accomplish something if enough people listen.

Its missing one crucial point. It lacks a Martin Luther King.

Some of our history's greatest triumphs were led by people with great wisdom, charisma, inspirational and able to become a face for an honorable cause. Whether it was the Founding Fathers of America, to Martin Luther King, they became the faces to the cause. They are the people you remember. Thats exactly what Occupy Wall Street needs in order to get anywhere.

It has a great idea. It has so much potential but it lacks organization and it lacks a figurehead. I know the people want to be known as simple the "99%" but its only coming off as people wanting an excuse to riot and cause chaos. Such fighting isn't proving any arguments and its making their cause look really bad right now.

I just feel they can do so much more.

Farewall EA: I Will Not Miss You

Dear EA,

We had such a love affair, you and I. Oh those wonderful days they were when I would sell my soul for your games such as The Sims. How my inner child would squee in delight as you came out with more games as well as partnering with the companies I swore my heart and dollars to. You never complained when I lost my poor ol' game keys due to my lack of organization skills and always helped me reinstall my games every time.

Such good times.

... But like all good things, they come to an end. You messed up and you messed it up good.

I was a long time customer and I was defending all of you for many years. Even with the SecuROM, I was able to look past it and just continue to give you my hard earned money for the games I wanted to play.  I forgave you for how rushed out the door Dragon Age 2 was compared to the first game(One of my all time favorite RPGs right now)! We had something special!

You took advantage of my love, EA. You broke my heart. You insulted my best friend, Steam. Steam and I are like buddies who share a nice cold soda and reminiscing on the good ol' days. He knows I struggle with these hard times and offers me such awesome deals so I can enjoy the games I always wanted to play but couldn't. We're such good friends.

You didn't like that, EA. You didn't like it not one bit. You became controlling. You forced away Dragon Age 2 in a rage not just from Steam but all of his friends. You offered up your own friend, Origin, to show he was a cooler friend then my best friend Steam. Origin was nothing like my best friend, though. He won't let me redownload my games for an unlimited amount of time and if I don't play them for a certain amount of months? He'll take them away even if maybe at some point, I'll decide to play them again.

My best friend, Steam, doesn't do that to me. He knows what I want. Thats why we're friends.

Now word from the street says you plan to force your best friend Origin on us. You won't let Steam or any of his friends have access to your other stuff. Your even removing more of your things from Steam and make us go to Origin! Origin isn't even trustworthy -- Its said he might even sell my information out to advertisers, right down to the very word on the EULA!

Shame on you!

So, no more. I will not let you abuse this relationship anymore! Its sad it had to come to this. I really wanted Star Wars: The Old Republic but I've cancelled my pre-order of the game already and got my money back. I'm looking at the Secret World warily out of fear you'll do something to mess it up too. I don't answer the phone calls Origin leaves and I delete the messages he leaves behind. We had a beautiful relationship but you had to ruin it all in your pursuit for money.

This is why Steam and I will forever be the best of friends. It treats me as a consumer, not as a plant that gives money. They know what I want and they know what I look for. They offer fantastic deals and sales on even the hottest games on the line. The updates are automatic and they don't sell my information out to advertisers. Best of all, the games I buy will remain there forever and I can install them as many times as I wish.

You probably don't even care that I am gone. You'll probably find another person or a hundred to mooch up to get their money. You'll even try to push your best friend, Origin, on them.

I hope they'll know better... and I hope that every consumer wises up and decide to not take your abusive tactics anymore. We deserve better.

Sincerely,
Your Ex-Customer Forever
The Girl With a Lot to Say

5/28 - The War Against Digital Piracy

Here is a very interesting article I think all of you should read. If you've been on the internet as long as I have(Ever since I was 12), then this is news you need to hear. It might effect you.

http://openchannel.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2011/05/27/6732624-us-goes-on-offense-against-digital-piracy

Now... I don't like digital piracy. If there's a movie I'd like to see, I'd rather pay that movie ticket to go see it. After all, my money goes to all of the people who worked so hard on that movie. The same thing goes with music, too. I want to see the people get their paycheck to pay their bills so I'll bring up the money to purchase it legally.

However, there's a bit of an... issue with what I see in their war against digital piracy.

So let's say they take down 200 piracy websites this year. A good 5,000 will pop up even more. What about the ones that are stationed outside of the US? How will they shut that down and prevent Americans from accessing that material? What about the Americans who go in and view it? Do you arrest and charge them for accessing it?

I understand that American business is being threatened, but, hey! I have a great idea for you business owners who hate digital piracy! Take a listen, its priceless.

Instead of using fear tactics and cracking down on a meaningless campaign(Seriously. The internet is practically endless), why not take a page from the pirate's book? Put your product out there legally and expand on it! Hulu and a few others are doing it but that isn't enough. It isn't enough to expand for people and most of it is just television shows or movies that aren't too popular.

If you would take your product, compete against piracy and made it more accessible to your customers alike via internet with the streaming and more? I think you could make up all the revenues you've lost from piracy. I mean, lets take a view at video games. In particular? The MMO Microtransactions.

In case you don't know what an MMO is, an MMO is a multiplayer online game(EX: World of Warcraft). The trend is going to F2P(Free To Play) and allowing people to try their product for free. If you want anything extra, you could pay for points and pick up what you needed. Sometimes, if you really want to commit what the company is offering? You can pick a payment plan that gives you great bonuses in the game your playing.

That is a micro transaction. It is a gold mine right now and more companies are converting their products to F2P to earn more of a profit.

Take a page from their books, people!!

You have something you can turn piracy around! You can invest into the internet and streaming your movies, television shows, music videos and more out there. As they say, if you can't beat 'em? Join 'em! THATS the tactic you should take! Heck, you could use even the F2P market and adjust it a bit to your liking. Use something. Anything!

While it won't eliminate piracy forever, you might be able to put them out of business with the aggressive push out into the market. It isn't going to just take a push with enforcing the goverment to crack down. You can still do this but I truly believe if they tried new tactics that digital piracy has been using for years, then they might be able to dry them out and get their businesses back.

It might be difficult, now, with the way the economy is but if they'd push that out onto the internet market? I'd be more then happy to use that product and promote the end of digital piracy in the long run. 

It does have to go.