Happy New Year! Resolution: Forgiveness

You know, its funny about mistakes and learning to forgive your mistakes... as well as learning to forgive yourself.

I was raised by my mother after my father passed away when I was over five years old. My father, while he was around, had that aura of giving people a chance. Give the benefit of doubt and at least try to be friendly. He had this aura of bringing people together and happiness even when things were tough. He was a good man.

My mother had to struggle, claw and fight her way to earn her keep. She was ready to tear down a few men and woman if they crossed her the wrong way and was ready to fight if she truly believed in something. I was a meek little girl, afraid to fight and afraid to cause trouble since the fighting always scared me.  I mean, I witnessed my sister's marriage go down the tube and get in the middle of a sibling squabble between her two daughters. It wasn't pretty.

Seriously. I remember it as clear as day. I was teased, mocked and had a special education teacher that, I swore, was the devil's wife in disguise. I was depressed and I always came home unsure as to what to do. What did my mother say?

Well, she looked me right in the eye and said, "Sweetie? If they say anything to you, knock them upside the head with your FIST."

I'd argue how wrong that was and I'd get in serious trouble. Mom's reasoning?

"Yeah, you will. But it'll teach those kids to leave you alone!"

Funny enough, thats exactly what happened. I was starting to recover from everything and these bratty twins decided to continue their games. I don't even remember what it was they said or what for. I snapped. The good in me held me back but it was enough that I grabbed one of them by the collar and threw them to the ground after giving a bit of a 'Leave me the hell alone' type of speech.

A teacher witnessed what happened but it didn't go as I expected. I didn't get suspended. They got detention and no recess for the last two days of school and I was let off the hook... Guess the teacher knew what happened. Mind you, school was very different from the way things are now.

Story aside, there's just something about defending what you believe in and forgiving the people that wronged you... or even forgiving yourself if it turns out what you were fighting for was false. It doesn't matter if it happens to you in real lie or if it happens on the internet.

You WILL find the false friends. You'll find the ones that will manipulate you even when you give them the benefit of the doubt. They will use your friendship and give you things and ideas you think are your own. It'll suck when you realize it but then when you do, you find it'll be very easy to correct that mistake.

I'll be the first one to admit that I don't trust very easily. I never did. Even back in school, I had people who were cruel and I built up a wall... even to the people who were my real friends. I couldn't tell between the a lie or the truth. I couldn't tell who was a real friend or who was faking it. I just couldn't tell. I was pretty naive.

It took ages for that wall to come down enough to start trusting people.

And, of course, I trusted the wrong people. Someone stole my money once and never gave it back. I've met far too many on the internet who posed to be friends only to leave you if your popularity changes. Some may even try to buy your friendship.

I've met pretty much all of those. In real life AND on the internet.

Sometimes, I just want to refortify the wall. After discovering the latest ex was as much scum as the rest and most of the friends I thought I had weren't really friends to begin with, I wanted to yell 'Fuck. EVERYONE.' and let it go at that. I really wanted to just earn forgiveness from the people I blew off because I thought they were the false friends and it turned out, hey, they weren't.

Then... it kind of hits you. Or, at least, it hit me.

Some people can't forgive. It isn't important to earn it when you haven't forgiven the most important person: Yourself. You can't do shit if you haven't forgiven yourself for your mistakes.

And even when you understand what you did wrong, you shouldn't have to explain it to everyone else. You just need to sit there and go, 'Yeah. I made a mistake. Some things I can fix and some I can't but its time to forgive myself, and move on.'

More importantly? Its better to forgive the people who hurt you and let it go. Well, I'm nowhere near in forgiving my ex and his new 'girlfriend' and that might take a long time before I can ever go near that. There's also my sister who has done horrific things to me AND my family that I could never forgive her for what she did. I can still find forgiveness in everyone else who hurt me or tried to hurt me and just... let go.

Forgive, and Live.

Even forgive the people who haven't had the power to forgive ME yet.

I'm not a hateful person. I can't hate unless someone's done something so terrible that it warrants that hatred. I just have to forgive once I can find it to do so. That, and try to learn from it and continue forward. Its better and you feel a lot more free in doing so.

The reason its so important and I urge it even now is, sometimes, you might not get that chance to forgive someone.

When my sister was married to my brother in law, Adam, he abandoned me at an anime convention to smoke speed balls with his buddies. In New York City. I was a minor and a teenager who knew nothing about the city. I also didn't have a cell phone at the time. Thanks to generous anime fans and the hotel, I got in contact with family and they brought me home.

I HATED Adam with every fiber of my being for doing that to me. I hated him so much. I trusted him as family! How could he do that to me!?

It took a long time, even as we took my sister's son in and began raising him as our own, to forgive him. It took a few years. I decided,  the day that he would visit Aaron for the first time at our house, that I could forgive him. I felt it was better that way. I couldn't carry that grudge. I was ready to forgive him.

... the day I decided to do that? It was the same day he died from a drug overdose.

I never got to really tell him that.

You'll regret it if you never get that chance.

So, this is the low down. You'll make mistakes and you'll make the wrong friends. Its alright to forgive yourself about it and move on. If you angered others and try to get them to forgive you(and it isn't working), then stop trying. They will when they are ready. Until they do, focus on yourself. Learn what you did wrong.

And furthermore? Grow a back bone and fight back if people push ya around, too.

That is my new year's resolution. Forgive myself, cut the strings of regrets and move on. Live for the future and stop worrying about what other people think. It'll grow a few less gray hairs!

Have a Happy and Safe New Year!


-Girl With a Lot to Say

Loss of a Good Friend

Normally I'm into writing about politics or something that is on my mind.

Today, this is a personal one.

My family and I adopted an elderly dog named Jasmine. She was cutest pug ever and made all of us smile. Even when she had seizures soon after, we stuck by her and made sure she got the care she needed. She'd bark angrily if my door was closed and she wanted to come inside and definitely had plenty to say when we ate our food and she wanted a piece too.

My little ten year old nephew loved her so much, checking on her every time and giving her little treats. When we came home, she greeted us with a tail wagging so hard that her little butt shook. She'd sleep with me at night and wake me up with kisses, letting me know she had to go out.

It came pretty suddenly. She was just... off. We called the vet and got an emergency. We got her there as fast as she could. The moment I held her, though, she felt safe and rested her head up against me... and just like that. She was gone. Right in my arms.

In a way, this brings me comfort that she was able to go quickly and peacefully in my arms, feeling safe. It isn't easy though. The entire family is taking it very hard. She gave us nearly three years of joy.

So hopefully she's getting the best treats and barking at the angels in heaven. I'll miss her but I'm glad to know I'll see her again when its my time to go.

I love you, Jasmine. You were a great pet and, more importantly, a good friend. I'll miss you.

Occupy Wall Street

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I hope everyone is happy and full of Turkey(or not if your a vegan) and was able to spend the holiday with family, friends, and the ones you love. Not only that but I truly hope your holiday was a quiet one without drama.

Anyway, this is about a growing trend in the United States. You know how the economy is. Everything isn't going so well, with people losing their jobs and being forced to file for bankruptcy. The government continues to argue over who has the bigger vision to save America. Prices on food and gas are also going up. It isn't a good time.

A few people got very tired of paying so much in taxes while the rich pay.. less taxes. I don't know the statistics precisely on how much the rich pay from the lower class but, needless to say, they are fed up with the way things are. So here we are. with people camped in parks or other spots all over the country with the most in New York City.

Signs are hoisted up, saying, 'We are the 99%!' and other phrases. I've heard different stories of what they stood for; one from someone who had personally went to one of the protests and the other who, unfortunately, heard the nut jobs at the rally and grown very worried over the protests. They have to be doing something right considering there are people putting money in to combat against Occupy Wall Street and any sympathizer to their cause.

I'll admit, I find myself agreeing to their cause. I mean, come on. How many times have bills tried going through the Senate or Congress in increasing taxes on the rich and it never gets through? There is always an outcry against it and, thus, its shut down very fast. You can almost say that they are afraid to sacrifice luxuries for anything better.

That's just me though.

It has a good point and it does stand for something. It could potentially rise up and accomplish something if enough people listen.

Its missing one crucial point. It lacks a Martin Luther King.

Some of our history's greatest triumphs were led by people with great wisdom, charisma, inspirational and able to become a face for an honorable cause. Whether it was the Founding Fathers of America, to Martin Luther King, they became the faces to the cause. They are the people you remember. Thats exactly what Occupy Wall Street needs in order to get anywhere.

It has a great idea. It has so much potential but it lacks organization and it lacks a figurehead. I know the people want to be known as simple the "99%" but its only coming off as people wanting an excuse to riot and cause chaos. Such fighting isn't proving any arguments and its making their cause look really bad right now.

I just feel they can do so much more.

Farewall EA: I Will Not Miss You

Dear EA,

We had such a love affair, you and I. Oh those wonderful days they were when I would sell my soul for your games such as The Sims. How my inner child would squee in delight as you came out with more games as well as partnering with the companies I swore my heart and dollars to. You never complained when I lost my poor ol' game keys due to my lack of organization skills and always helped me reinstall my games every time.

Such good times.

... But like all good things, they come to an end. You messed up and you messed it up good.

I was a long time customer and I was defending all of you for many years. Even with the SecuROM, I was able to look past it and just continue to give you my hard earned money for the games I wanted to play.  I forgave you for how rushed out the door Dragon Age 2 was compared to the first game(One of my all time favorite RPGs right now)! We had something special!

You took advantage of my love, EA. You broke my heart. You insulted my best friend, Steam. Steam and I are like buddies who share a nice cold soda and reminiscing on the good ol' days. He knows I struggle with these hard times and offers me such awesome deals so I can enjoy the games I always wanted to play but couldn't. We're such good friends.

You didn't like that, EA. You didn't like it not one bit. You became controlling. You forced away Dragon Age 2 in a rage not just from Steam but all of his friends. You offered up your own friend, Origin, to show he was a cooler friend then my best friend Steam. Origin was nothing like my best friend, though. He won't let me redownload my games for an unlimited amount of time and if I don't play them for a certain amount of months? He'll take them away even if maybe at some point, I'll decide to play them again.

My best friend, Steam, doesn't do that to me. He knows what I want. Thats why we're friends.

Now word from the street says you plan to force your best friend Origin on us. You won't let Steam or any of his friends have access to your other stuff. Your even removing more of your things from Steam and make us go to Origin! Origin isn't even trustworthy -- Its said he might even sell my information out to advertisers, right down to the very word on the EULA!

Shame on you!

So, no more. I will not let you abuse this relationship anymore! Its sad it had to come to this. I really wanted Star Wars: The Old Republic but I've cancelled my pre-order of the game already and got my money back. I'm looking at the Secret World warily out of fear you'll do something to mess it up too. I don't answer the phone calls Origin leaves and I delete the messages he leaves behind. We had a beautiful relationship but you had to ruin it all in your pursuit for money.

This is why Steam and I will forever be the best of friends. It treats me as a consumer, not as a plant that gives money. They know what I want and they know what I look for. They offer fantastic deals and sales on even the hottest games on the line. The updates are automatic and they don't sell my information out to advertisers. Best of all, the games I buy will remain there forever and I can install them as many times as I wish.

You probably don't even care that I am gone. You'll probably find another person or a hundred to mooch up to get their money. You'll even try to push your best friend, Origin, on them.

I hope they'll know better... and I hope that every consumer wises up and decide to not take your abusive tactics anymore. We deserve better.

Sincerely,
Your Ex-Customer Forever
The Girl With a Lot to Say

5/28 - The War Against Digital Piracy

Here is a very interesting article I think all of you should read. If you've been on the internet as long as I have(Ever since I was 12), then this is news you need to hear. It might effect you.

http://openchannel.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2011/05/27/6732624-us-goes-on-offense-against-digital-piracy

Now... I don't like digital piracy. If there's a movie I'd like to see, I'd rather pay that movie ticket to go see it. After all, my money goes to all of the people who worked so hard on that movie. The same thing goes with music, too. I want to see the people get their paycheck to pay their bills so I'll bring up the money to purchase it legally.

However, there's a bit of an... issue with what I see in their war against digital piracy.

So let's say they take down 200 piracy websites this year. A good 5,000 will pop up even more. What about the ones that are stationed outside of the US? How will they shut that down and prevent Americans from accessing that material? What about the Americans who go in and view it? Do you arrest and charge them for accessing it?

I understand that American business is being threatened, but, hey! I have a great idea for you business owners who hate digital piracy! Take a listen, its priceless.

Instead of using fear tactics and cracking down on a meaningless campaign(Seriously. The internet is practically endless), why not take a page from the pirate's book? Put your product out there legally and expand on it! Hulu and a few others are doing it but that isn't enough. It isn't enough to expand for people and most of it is just television shows or movies that aren't too popular.

If you would take your product, compete against piracy and made it more accessible to your customers alike via internet with the streaming and more? I think you could make up all the revenues you've lost from piracy. I mean, lets take a view at video games. In particular? The MMO Microtransactions.

In case you don't know what an MMO is, an MMO is a multiplayer online game(EX: World of Warcraft). The trend is going to F2P(Free To Play) and allowing people to try their product for free. If you want anything extra, you could pay for points and pick up what you needed. Sometimes, if you really want to commit what the company is offering? You can pick a payment plan that gives you great bonuses in the game your playing.

That is a micro transaction. It is a gold mine right now and more companies are converting their products to F2P to earn more of a profit.

Take a page from their books, people!!

You have something you can turn piracy around! You can invest into the internet and streaming your movies, television shows, music videos and more out there. As they say, if you can't beat 'em? Join 'em! THATS the tactic you should take! Heck, you could use even the F2P market and adjust it a bit to your liking. Use something. Anything!

While it won't eliminate piracy forever, you might be able to put them out of business with the aggressive push out into the market. It isn't going to just take a push with enforcing the goverment to crack down. You can still do this but I truly believe if they tried new tactics that digital piracy has been using for years, then they might be able to dry them out and get their businesses back.

It might be difficult, now, with the way the economy is but if they'd push that out onto the internet market? I'd be more then happy to use that product and promote the end of digital piracy in the long run. 

It does have to go.

5/28 - Thinking Outside the Box(Response)

Well. This is my very first blog post and, I admit, I always wanted to start up a blog. There's just so much to talk about and I'm getting tired of not speaking out about it. I'm neither a Republican nor a Democrat and am proud to be an Independant! I like to promote thinking outside of the box and for people to vote out the riff raff in today's politics and vote in people who want to honestly want to serve our country and the American people.

No more political games and no more 'Democrat this' and 'Republican that!' I'm tired of the popularity games and people serving only for their political party! What about the rest of us? What about the Americans? The mothers? The fathers? Our children? When do we get a say in all of this? We deserve a government that will promote not only human integrity but to compromise with each other to get a solution on the table without shutting down the entire country.

Thats why I came to love the paper, Our Town. It is a local paper that is given out to every business with advertisements, reviews of restaurants of local areas and a thoughtful insight to the creative writer and thinker, Robert Beierle.

I loved what he wrote and, truth be told, has nailed it right on the head about the government. I loved what I was reading and I loved to hear someone from New Jersey to just say it how it is!

Unfortunately, he had to go "there."

What is "there"? Well, there is a trend every year that always points and blames certain parties to the point of conspiracy theories to prove a point. To Mr. Beierle's credit, he admitted that he isn't the conspiracy nut and I do believe him. He must be a wonderful man with a beautiful wife and great children. I hold much respect for him to take up a keyboard and write articles every two weeks for the paper.

However!

There is much I disgree with the article he wrote in Our Town's May 23rd Issue, "Thinking Outside of the Box... What Really Could have Happened with Osama."

I don't have permission to put up the entire article(Seriously, go to any business in Boonton or around that area. You can't miss. Grab a copy and read it if your curious! If not, well... Sorry man!) so I will summarize it for you: President Obama milked the death of Osama bin Laden for all its worth. The President and the Government lied to the American people about how they got the information of his whereabouts. Waterboarding was used to get the information. They jumped the big, fat, juicy worm. They've lied about it. Osama's probably alive and being tortured by the CIA.

Mr. Beierle thought outside of the box but he didn't look at it from every perspective. So allow me to let all of you look outside of the box, yet again, at a different point of view.

I'll confess, though. When I learnt Osama Bin Laden died? I popped up some popcorn and celebrated until the wee hours of the morning. I cracked jokes with some of my friends and listened to every single detail of what transpired. I mean, come on. I was a just a teenager(Sophmore year!) when 9/11 happened. A lot of people died that day and I never knew such hatred existed in the world until that very day. I was a naive girl who got the wake up call a little bit early.

Not only that but witnessing the pain and suffering my classmates and my teachers were facing that day? I'll never forget that. I'll never forget the jokester and classmate, Jared, frozen in terror with hundreds of other students in the school library glued to that television with the smoke bellowing out where all the Twin Towers used to be.

I'll never forget that.

So when I learnt he finally got his due? I was happy. I celebrated. I thought it was the best thing ever, and then the different information came in. There was gunfire, and then there wasn't any gunfire. They shot and killed unarmed men. The wife begged and then the wife of Osama bin Laden lunged at the Navy SEALs. She was dead, then she was alive.

Mr. Beierle called President Obama in 'milking for all its worth on 60 minutes and other television shows,' that President Obama had him killed 'to increase his low president rating' and a lot more that put a lot of discredit to him.

He was correct that President Obama was in the center spotlight over the death. However, that was something thats better off. I did a little research before writing anything up about the people who did this - The NAVY Seals. None of them got really any much credit or badges of honor for what they did(Course none of them would have been able to if they did not get the go-ahead from the President in the first place.)

After looking much into it, I came to learn that Navy SEALs never get any credit what so ever. They serve their country and they do it faceless. They do the job that no normal person can do and they do it without parades and without medals. They are humble people whose only desire is to protect the people. Thats their jobs. Thats what they do.

Thats why President Obama is getting a lot of screen time and the real heroes are not. In a way, I'd prefer it that way because the men who shot and killed Osama bin Laden wouldn't want to be labelled as heroes. They are just people serving their country and ask for nothing else. To reveal who they are and put their faces on screen would defeat the whole purpose of the Navy SEALs and give the terrorists an idea of who to target in their revenge.

Yep. You heard it right, revenge. What, you thought terrorism would disappear with the death of Osama bin Laden? Even Mr. Beierle pointed that out and tried to say that President Obama might have possibly made it out that way. Well, anyone with common sense would know that it wouldn't disappear with the death of one man. It'll always be out there and the roots of hatred that Osama Bin Laden left behind wont be erased so easily.

I won't even touch the waterboarding issue with a ten foot pole as, despite my research of different news source, there is no real way to say where they got the information of the courier. None of us will ever know if its waterboarding or not that got the information leaked. In fact, I learnt that torture, in general, decreases the attempt of getting accurate information then other methods the CIA might be using. The torturee will instead spit out anything that the torturer will want to hear in order to get it out -- whether the information is true or false.

Something for Mr. Beierle to consider before making such an accusation.

What made me angry the most, however, was the idea that we should not have killed Osama Bin Laden and should have kept him alive for the information he would have had or be tried by the system.

Okay so, let's say they did it Mr. Beierle's way. They went in, picked up Osama bin Laden and held him in Guantanamo Bay to be awaited for trial. I don't know about any of you but I do not trust in our national security right now. As strong as the CIA and the others might be, I'd see a huge spike of attempted suicide strikes or even successful ones done on our American soil. Not only that but American tourists, reporters, soldiers, anyone thats a AMERICAN outside of our country would suffer the consequences of this by having some terrorist kidnapping many of them to demand the release of Osama Bin Laden.

The US would never do such a thing so, those people would be as good as dead.

Osama Bin Laden is worth more dead then he is alive. The information he could provide would be meaningless to all those people who would have suffered if America took that route. I think the CIA knew this, the President knew this and so did everyone in his cabinet. No, Osama Bin Laden is worth more dead then he could ever be alive.

Though his death could still provoke such a response but not in any of the high scale like keeping him alive would have done.

Now, don't get me wrong. I have absolutely nothing against Mr. Robert Beirle. In fact, I love some of his work(I got a good kick out of his Easter Bunny story!) and there are some things he's written that I do, in fact, agree upon. We're allowed to agree and disagree since thats what America gives us. Thats what America allows us to do.

He has the right idea. Forget Democrats, Republicans and get people thats for the American people. Only we can do that and only we can vote out the people that are wanting to serve a single party then our country. I just think he should give President Obama a little more credit. Is he perfect? No, he's made some mistakes. But I honestly don't think he had him killed just for his presidental rating. They were watching even before he became President(eight years!) and they just had enough for him to give the go ahead.

Voting out President Obama isn't going to solve any of our issues. Its not a presidental problem, its the government. And if we're going to have any change or our faith restored back into our government, we're going to have to make it clear that we're not going to vote for people serving only their parties. You serve for us, the American people AND our country and you will serve it with integrity and with respect.

Be it Republican, or Democrat.

Thats the way I think it should be done.