Internet Friendships: Why They (Don't) Work Either (Part 2)

You know how you say, 'If you say it will go wrong, it will'?

... Yeah. It went about as well as you'd think.

I was attacked. I was lashed out. I was demoralized. I was insulted, made fun of, and my so-called "friends" that I looked up to and adored in my own right ripped those feelings to shreds. Jerry sent me private messages, declaring how "ashamed" he was of me and how I had to earn everything bad. That I had no right to speak up. That I was selfish. That I was a cruel and horrible person.

I was "emo."

I was the bitch.

This was my idol that said these things.

It also didn't help that the rants, that I said to keep the temper and the poison my anger could bring out of there... The trust I placed in some of my "friends" were broken and spread like wildfire. I felt destroyed.

I went to bed in tears and even busted a blood vessel in my eye from the stress... but the amount of fucks these people gave? Zero. Absolutely none. It all carried the weight of a single person. His word. The "victim."

Tom.

Now, mind you, it wasn't the entire group. There were two or three people who took a more level headed stance on the entire situation. They were really awesome and understood how I felt and I was trying to say. They were really wonderful and I can't thank them enough for what they did. Instead, they went and attacked them for "daring to stand up with me" and turned that poisonous hatred from me to them.

I was on the verge of quitting. I wanted to quit... yet part of me hoped that maybe, just maybe, those long friendships would... mean something. It'd go somewhere.

I was foolish. Even when we gathered in a meeting and almost talked things out... Even when I admitted some things I did wrong(and, dear god, I've apologized on their forums like three times now and it wasn't even enough for these people or Tom), it all fell apart when Tom declared he was going to leave the game because he couldn't handle accusations hanging over his head. He couldn't handle it with an emotional disease he fights with. He signed off and then panic ensued.

Jerry, in turn, reverted back to his hateful demeanor. Whatever friendship that ever existed all those years... They were gone. Just like that. It means absolutely nothing. He wasn't sorry. He didn't care. When I woke up that morning, I learnt he decided to throw me and someone else out of the group.

That was... it. Just like that. He didn't give two shits about whatever we did. It was all about Tom. Someone he met... our friendship meant nothing. That man crush was more important then a friendship where I would've defended Jerry or the others. Even when people insulted him or called him things, I stood up for Jerry. I said, "He isn't like that. He's a good man. They all are. Those rumors aren't true."

... It meant nothing.

In some ways, that hate still hurts. It has left me bitter and resentful. It took that game and destroyed it. I find it hard to play it long periods of time. Hell, I don't know if I can trust any of the group members anymore OR their friends. I've grown distant... except maybe two or three of them. Even then, whatever rants I have, I tend to mostly keep them to myself.

It sucks.

So I know your wondering by now.

"So how does that mean internet relationships don't work? How does it relate to your previous articles?"

Because it is the same damn thing. Masks. The internet gives you a mask, a persona... an identity. If you are heavily insecure in your life, you can shed it away and feel empowered. You can do things and meet people you never thought you ever would in your entire life. You could be the popular person you always wanted to be where, before, no one gave a shit about you and people made fun of you. You have the power to be something and that mask can either make you into something better or into something worse.


But here's something you people need to realize.

Yeah, You can hurt people without ever seeing the consequences of your actions. You could do anything. If someone crossed you or doesn't like you? You, with that ugly internet mask, can perform great revenge or carry grudges or do so many things without ever seeing the results. If that friend didn't stick up for you? Burn them. Write the most hateful shit and snicker at what you get back. Let the trolling begin. Let all that hate and filth spill forward. They crossed you, so what's the big deal?

Hell, you may get angry and your best friend got hurt or you may disagree with the way things are. You may lash out. I know it is so easy and so tempting to write those things out even to your best of friends.

But no matter how much you justify it, no matter what that person has done or whatever excuse you can come up with... that person behind the screen has feelings too. Maybe you might not value their feelings or friendships you find on the internet. Maybe you don't even view that person with the screen name as a person. Well, guess what? They ARE people and they have feelings. They can get angry and, when hurt, they can cry. They can shed tears and they can feel pain. That pain is justified as much as anyone else if they suffered something between best friends in real life.

Maybe friendships might not mean anything to you since its the internet... but it might mean something to somebody else. Maybe the little things they do are silly to you but are gold to somebody else.

Don't be an asshole.

Take off that mask.

Internet friends won't last forever. The same as friends you find and cross in jobs, etc... but true friends stay with you for life. They do exist. You might not find them via internet... but you'll find them, somewhere. Out there.

I know I didn't... but it did show me who my real friends were that day so maybe it wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be. They are the ones I say Hi to when I see them in the game or on facebook. Hopefully they will stay for years to come.

That's all I really have to say about that.

Lesson learned.

-The Girl With a Lot to Say

Internet Friendships: Why They (Don't) Work Either... Sometimes!(Part 1)

The internet is a funny place.

It can bring out the best in people or it can bring out the worst in them. You can make millions from a simple idea or you could find yourself being trolled half to death by cruel people. It isn't the best place in the world but some of us make do. Some of us don't get out very often so our social lives happen to be through the games we play or the social media we use. It kind of sucks but that is the way the cookie crumbles.

But, much like internet relationships, friendships.... Well...

They suck. Hardcore. Very rare do you even find the true friend on there and when you do, its best to hold onto them tightly and NEVER let go.

Sounds familiar, doesn't it?

I know.

I went into ranting(two posts even!) about internet relationships and why romantic stuff doesn't work unless you are extremely committed to it and both sides can work it out. Even then, it might not because the people might fall in love with your internet persona then the person you really are.

The same can be applied to your friendships.

Once again... I speak from experience. AGAIN.

Why this reflects to Internet Relationships...? Before getting on to the main point, it is time for a story. Well, okay, I suppose I'll admit a few things too.

I am a Role Player. No, not the kind who sits naked with a box of tissues and has erotic orgies all night. I am the kind who will make a character ans give their creation a story. Personality. Flaws. Likes. Dislikes. I'll even pretend to be them for the sake of entertainment. This is a hobby that has extended out into my online gaming habits. This has also led me to make many "friends."

One of them was, for the sake of this article, we'll simply call Jerry. Since I was the wonderful fresh age of nineteen and out of high school, I met Jerry and his brother playing together with the coolest creation ever. They took advantage of the MMO's engine to make pretty awesome characters and I looked up to them like they were heroes! Well, one of them, anyway... They were my idols. They were awesome incarnate that could punch stars and call it a day!

I became great friends with Jerry. We reconnected on Facebook and remained friends for many years! It was one of those friendships I really treasured. One of those friendships I thought would out last the game itself and imagined how cool if Jerry and his wife came to visit and share all kind of stories... that is... until I came BACK into the game.

Remember how I mentioned about internet relationships that you never really truly know a person on the internet?

Well....

... in some cases, it can be applied to this case too.

I was invited back into the game and into this super awesome group that would be a group of friends that'd have awesome epic role playing adventures. I was very psyched about this. Being with this icon, and OTHER icons and friends of mine that I looked up to, in this group? I've always wanted something like this! This was a great "dream" come true! I was so into it!

So much, there was even a commissioned picture of it. I still carry the picture on my wall. Since its so awesome, it became the logo for the whole article. Why? Because it is that awesome. Thats why.


Its something I've always wanted. It felt like a testament to what I've always dreamt of in an internet friendship.

... It wasn't meant to be.

Paradise began to show its cracks and I wasn't the only one who saw it. One particular man, Tom, was the best friend to Jerry. I've never heard of Tom before but it didn't take long to see the extremely ugly side of this group when Tom was around. The once-was happy and equal group became a negative pile of negative puke who really made fun of others or complained to the point of whining about the game changes or just show how "elite" they were in their PvP(Player verses Player) combat.

While Jerry was my idol, Tom was definitely Jerry's. Tom was put on a pedestal I never saw anyone put on before... An even higher pedestal then I ever put Jerry on. When Tom was around, the stories centered about Tom and not many others really got much of a shot. It was Tom's world and Jerry was more then happy to be a part of it. Tom came to represent everything that I ever hated on the internet.

It also didn't help it made me feel... worthless to the group. Worthless. Pathetic. I felt I didn't amount to much. I was invited into their world and I had no... "place" in their world. No worth. Anything I said or did was always wrong and how Tom was always right. How Tom had a career in Las Vegas. How Tom carried sadistic grudges to people he hated. How Tom never forgave people.

How Tom was the best thing since slice bread.

Boy did I grow to hate as well as very intimidate and afraid of Tom.

I hated how Tom seemed to somehow turn the best of the group into its worst. I hated how when Tom came around, the group changed and it wasn't the group but it was Tom, Jerry, and another fella. It was a clique. It was petty, and I have no idea how many times I've ranted to several friends to avoid exploding on Tom needlessly... as well as afraid if I did lose my temper on this man, I'd face this supposed wrath he seemed to have.

He had that much "power" in the group. I loved the group. I wanted to be a part of it... even if I felt three people got the main course and the rest picked up scraps.

But, you know what? I also hate cliques. Always had and always will. I will be the first one to slap at people for doing it(especially if cliques HURT other people) and bring it to light. Maybe I won't always say it right but it gets its word across and things change. Friends would want to know about that and friends would fix that. Real friends would want to know about those feelings. Real friends would want to fix it so everyone would be happy and having fun together.

So! I felt it was a poison in the group and after one particular last straw, it was time to speak up and fix it. I mean, Jerry came through when the negativity poisoned the group before and maybe they'll understand. Maybe things will come through. Jerry and the others were my best friends. Speaking out should be alright around friends, right? I mean... We were a group of friends. Benefit of the doubt and all. Maybe speaking up will result in things being fixed.

What could possibly go wrong?