Internet Friendships: Why They (Don't) Work Either (Part 2)

You know how you say, 'If you say it will go wrong, it will'?

... Yeah. It went about as well as you'd think.

I was attacked. I was lashed out. I was demoralized. I was insulted, made fun of, and my so-called "friends" that I looked up to and adored in my own right ripped those feelings to shreds. Jerry sent me private messages, declaring how "ashamed" he was of me and how I had to earn everything bad. That I had no right to speak up. That I was selfish. That I was a cruel and horrible person.

I was "emo."

I was the bitch.

This was my idol that said these things.

It also didn't help that the rants, that I said to keep the temper and the poison my anger could bring out of there... The trust I placed in some of my "friends" were broken and spread like wildfire. I felt destroyed.

I went to bed in tears and even busted a blood vessel in my eye from the stress... but the amount of fucks these people gave? Zero. Absolutely none. It all carried the weight of a single person. His word. The "victim."

Tom.

Now, mind you, it wasn't the entire group. There were two or three people who took a more level headed stance on the entire situation. They were really awesome and understood how I felt and I was trying to say. They were really wonderful and I can't thank them enough for what they did. Instead, they went and attacked them for "daring to stand up with me" and turned that poisonous hatred from me to them.

I was on the verge of quitting. I wanted to quit... yet part of me hoped that maybe, just maybe, those long friendships would... mean something. It'd go somewhere.

I was foolish. Even when we gathered in a meeting and almost talked things out... Even when I admitted some things I did wrong(and, dear god, I've apologized on their forums like three times now and it wasn't even enough for these people or Tom), it all fell apart when Tom declared he was going to leave the game because he couldn't handle accusations hanging over his head. He couldn't handle it with an emotional disease he fights with. He signed off and then panic ensued.

Jerry, in turn, reverted back to his hateful demeanor. Whatever friendship that ever existed all those years... They were gone. Just like that. It means absolutely nothing. He wasn't sorry. He didn't care. When I woke up that morning, I learnt he decided to throw me and someone else out of the group.

That was... it. Just like that. He didn't give two shits about whatever we did. It was all about Tom. Someone he met... our friendship meant nothing. That man crush was more important then a friendship where I would've defended Jerry or the others. Even when people insulted him or called him things, I stood up for Jerry. I said, "He isn't like that. He's a good man. They all are. Those rumors aren't true."

... It meant nothing.

In some ways, that hate still hurts. It has left me bitter and resentful. It took that game and destroyed it. I find it hard to play it long periods of time. Hell, I don't know if I can trust any of the group members anymore OR their friends. I've grown distant... except maybe two or three of them. Even then, whatever rants I have, I tend to mostly keep them to myself.

It sucks.

So I know your wondering by now.

"So how does that mean internet relationships don't work? How does it relate to your previous articles?"

Because it is the same damn thing. Masks. The internet gives you a mask, a persona... an identity. If you are heavily insecure in your life, you can shed it away and feel empowered. You can do things and meet people you never thought you ever would in your entire life. You could be the popular person you always wanted to be where, before, no one gave a shit about you and people made fun of you. You have the power to be something and that mask can either make you into something better or into something worse.


But here's something you people need to realize.

Yeah, You can hurt people without ever seeing the consequences of your actions. You could do anything. If someone crossed you or doesn't like you? You, with that ugly internet mask, can perform great revenge or carry grudges or do so many things without ever seeing the results. If that friend didn't stick up for you? Burn them. Write the most hateful shit and snicker at what you get back. Let the trolling begin. Let all that hate and filth spill forward. They crossed you, so what's the big deal?

Hell, you may get angry and your best friend got hurt or you may disagree with the way things are. You may lash out. I know it is so easy and so tempting to write those things out even to your best of friends.

But no matter how much you justify it, no matter what that person has done or whatever excuse you can come up with... that person behind the screen has feelings too. Maybe you might not value their feelings or friendships you find on the internet. Maybe you don't even view that person with the screen name as a person. Well, guess what? They ARE people and they have feelings. They can get angry and, when hurt, they can cry. They can shed tears and they can feel pain. That pain is justified as much as anyone else if they suffered something between best friends in real life.

Maybe friendships might not mean anything to you since its the internet... but it might mean something to somebody else. Maybe the little things they do are silly to you but are gold to somebody else.

Don't be an asshole.

Take off that mask.

Internet friends won't last forever. The same as friends you find and cross in jobs, etc... but true friends stay with you for life. They do exist. You might not find them via internet... but you'll find them, somewhere. Out there.

I know I didn't... but it did show me who my real friends were that day so maybe it wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be. They are the ones I say Hi to when I see them in the game or on facebook. Hopefully they will stay for years to come.

That's all I really have to say about that.

Lesson learned.

-The Girl With a Lot to Say